Buying an Expensive Car

What if I came to you and said I wanted you to invest $25,000 in a product that in three years at best might be worth $15,000. It's dangerous, it's expensive to store, and its harmful to everyone's health. You'd think I was CRAZY!!!

Detroit is on the tail end of a 20 year scam. Through the magic of their marketing, they have convinced most young men, between the ages of 21 and 40 that the frequency of your sex life will be dramatically changed by the car you drive. I heartily dispute that. I have probably spent more than $500,000 over the last 10 years in car payments, and if anything, my sex life has SUFFERED! Worrying about how much money I owed left me impotent for long periods of time! I can honestly say that, since I've stopped buying expensive cars, I've had a much more fruitful sex life. I saw an ad the other day, featuring a Volvo. The Volvo had a couple of Gen-X'ers with that smirk on their face, like they were going to get laid tonight. Maybe Janet Reno would be turned on by a Volvo! Guys, its a big scam, save your money, buy a good watch.

On this, I have to quote one of my erstwhile role models, Benjamin Franklin, who spoke these words after many years in the company of women: "All cats are gray in the dark." Nobody you'll ever meet has had a love affair with the automobile as fervently as I have, nor been as disappointed. The reasons that most people buy expensive cars is to SHOUT at the world how important and wealthy they are. Another salient reason is that they'll think that they will do better snagging ladies with the proper car. Trust me, don't spend 30 or 40 thousand dollars for that reason. The kind of gal that you want to bring home to introduce to your mother, won't even care what kind of car you drive. Of course, a decent gal would not want to have an association with a schlepper, who pulls up to her house in a Suzuki Sidekick, wearing some garb he purchased at Old Navy, and possibly wearing a Seiko watch.

For many years, expensive cars have been marketed as phallic symbols. If that is your problem, you need a urologist, not a new car dealer. Buying a new car, you take it home, your neighbors see it. You call up your friends, who probably don't give a crap. Then, you cringe every time you run up another ten miles on the odometer, because new is very ephemeral. One day you really freak out, you can see the dark at the end of the tunnel, your new car will soon have 50 thousand miles on it, plus you have continuously lived in dread of acid rain and door dings.

Another downside to expensive cars is expensive insurance, expensive original cost, expensive maintenance, and, like in the case of my Rolls Royce, a lack of timely delivery of parts. All of this is for what? Unfortunately, most young people reading this won't understand. They must experience it themselves. By that time, you owe your soul to Mercedes' finance department, etc.

To prove a point, buy a copy of the Dupont registry. There is a plethora of expensive, late model cars, with almost no mileage on them. An 86' Mercedes SL with 20,000 miles, an 89' Lamborghini with 7,000 miles.

The bottom line is that if anyone is going out to the coast in the near future, my friend opened a high-class auto rental company. Rent the car you were thinking of dropping 50K on, and give it a try. Instead, I think you will see that buying a good watch and taking a vacation is the right way to go.

Now, if you want sex, and you're indiscriminate, men are attracted to fine cars.

Being truthful, I must say that deep in my soul is the desire for a spanking new Bentley Azure Convertible. I just can't shed it.

Dear friend-

I hope that some of our philosophy and hints for living are a help to you in your daily life. If not, I at least hope that you found some amusing, and were not bored. We have gotten enough calls, and letters to validate these passages. If you have read enough and are ready to move on, that is ok. Get your checkbook and click here to visit our main menu. Hopefully by now you have realized that we are a different kind of company.

My very best regards,

Carl Kenneth Marcus

PS. Remember, proper nutrition, get plenty of sleep, exercise, drink lots of water, and spend some money on your self! Remember, life is not a dress rehearsal. Shalom.