Besides meeting my wife, one of the great happenings in my brief time on earth, happened somewhere about the 14th of February, 2000. My wife usually goes in the office before I do. She called me and said, "I've got good news for you. What have you always wanted most in life?" I said, "Well, to be rich and famous." "Well, she said. I think you got it today. At this moment, if you wrote a check for $1,000,000, it wouldn't bounce, it would clear. Scary. Now, as far as being famous, you just got a letter from a nice man in Hong Kong. He's interested in buying a Chagal print. He said he heard about you through a dealer in Singapore. That's fame ain't it?" Well, the famous part was ok, it was a bit of a stretch though. The rich part was exciting!

All that day I thought about what I wanted to buy with my new enrichment. I had been a millionaire for sometime, but not a cash millionaire. There is a big difference! Stuff is NOT cash. Your house, your car, your art collection. That's all bullshit. Money talks, Cash walks. Well, by the end of the day, I was in a very deflated state of mind. I felt no different that day than I had the day before I was a cash millionaire. What the devil do I do now?! To be exact, my wife told me, "Our ready cash position was $1,000,007.00." I was afraid to eat lunch! Even a simple Chinese lunch would have made me a non-millionaire. Well, I could lose some weight, I'll skip lunch... until better times. By that evening I was virtually panicked. It's like going to bed with Pamela Anderson, and nothing happening! In this dreadful state of mind, I called up my friend Ron in Newport Beach. He was a millionaire many times, and had been one for years. I realized I had better not talk to him to long, or the long distance charges might reduce me back to non-millionaire status! Well, I'll talk quick I thought. "Ron, this is Carl. This morning Rosie advised me that I was a cash millionaire! I could go to the bank and get a million dollars in green. Funny thing is, since she advised me of that, I feel like shit. If I talk to you to long, I won't be a millionaire again, what should I do now? What's supposed to happen?" Ron told me "Well, now you have to try and keep it. Every morning when I get up, I check the savings and loans, to see who's paying more for CD's. You'll see, it really doesn't change much in your life, you're still the same guy. You can be foolish longer, and buy more stuff, than most guys, but you're still the same guy, and its still the same world. You can't buy love, and you can't buy health. And really, there is only one thing that money can absolutely not buy." "What is that, Ron?" I asked. "Poverty." He retorted. I said "Ron, stop joking. This is serious. I wanted to be rich all of my life, and now that I'm on the way... What do I do?" He says., "You're not rich yet, today being Big Rich means having 10 Million dollars. But you might be Big Rich if you added in some of your assets. But Big Rich means you can cash out for 10 Million.

It made me shudder to hear that. I was depressed as it was, Big Rich may have put me in an asylum. Well, it's been six months now and I must admit, it's comforting to know that you have a million dollars waiting for you in the Federal Reserve somewhere. Life goes on, I'm still the same schmuck. I've toyed with the idea of buying a new Mercedes S500, and buying my wife a 10ct Diamond Ring. But instead, I'll stay the same guy I was, working 12 hours a day, and going to my physical therapy 3 times a week. I'll stay the same guy in my wheel chair, and if anything changes, I'll be the first guy to let you know. Man, it's over rated!

My son says that the first thing he would do is to buy a Porsche. He said, "That'll make you feel great dad!" If we have a good year, maybe I'll buy him one.

Anyone going through this treacherous world deserves a treat every now and then. As the old saying goes, "Living well is the best revenge." Be very, very sorry for those people who have devoted their entire lives in the name of money. Many of them are real assholes; now I know why. And of course, if you tell people money ain't nothing, they think you're full of crap. "Oh sure, that's easy for him to say" Well let me say this, I've been rich, and I've been poor. I'd rather be rich! But I still feel very, very sad for the Sultan of Brunei, he can buy anything he wants. Recently on 20/20, I listened to the lamenting of a beautiful California blonde. Ditsy and Dizzy, Tearfully telling Barbara Walters how depressed she was when the Sultan made sexual advances towards her and offered her $50,000 for a weekend. Gee, the Sultan could've had Darva for a lot less! I wonder if the Sultan has ever heard of Darva?

Alright guys, keep your nose to the grindstone, and if you have money to spend, I can help you do just that.