Prelude to an affair...
Prelude to an affair...

I don't know if this story makes sense to those of you who might read it and who happen to be married, but last night I went to my favorite sushi house here in Roswell.

Oh, do they have sushi! It's fresher than going to an aquarium.

I was sitting at the bar, shelling my eda mame, when this voluptuous raven-haired beauty sitting next to me looked my way and asked if that was my Rolls Royce parked out front. Her name was Sienna. I asked what would make her ask me and she told me I looked like the Rolls Royce type.

Then she got mundane, asking if I came there often.  I told her I had been coming for many years and that I couldn't get my wife to move to Georgia from Beverly Hills without finding a good sushi stop, so fortunately I had found this one.

She seemed saddened to find out that I was married, and she was married herself. So from there, we started lamenting the world's woes: the war, the price of gas, etc. Then out of a clear blue sky, she asks me, "Do you play around, Mr. Marcus?"

I had to explain to her that I was a 70-year-old crippled fellow who was married to a wife that could've left him many times, but didn't. How could I play around? My wife would be pretty vengeful after sticking with me through a stroke to find me cheating on her.

She said, "Oh it's about money, is it?" and I explained that it was about ethics.

Sushi bars kind of stimulate communications between people, and way back in my head I was shockingly telling myself that this girl was coming on to me. But, I decided to lay back and play it the way it laid.

She said she'd like to freshen up her marriage a bit and asked if I had any suggestions. I explained that both people have to want to freshen it up, or nothing would happen. For some reason, she thought that statement was brilliant.

Then she asked, "Well, how about an affair?"

I said, "Let me tell you something about affairs." I told her that I have thought long and hard on the matter, and the strain of having had an affair is a problem. Lying to your mate is not easy. And for what?

So two people go to a motel, get in bed, and run around like guinea pigs for half an hour hugging and kissing. That ain't bad, but it's hardly worth all the shit you have to go through. Eventually one gets to REALLY be involved with the other. You can't be a slave to two masters and eventually the mate starts to suffer.

I think that it becomes costly, dangerous, and wearing on the soul just for the sake of a few minutes of screwing... It's not worth it.

She told me I painted such a dark picture, but I don't know any other way to do it. I've been through it and it's a curse. I wasn't sure if I would kick myself in the morning for having passed up the opportunity, but I figured, "Hey, maybe in the next world."

I offered to buy her a drink, to which she heartily agreed. We both finished our drinks and went our separate ways - hopefully both the wiser.

This morning when I woke up, I inherently knew I made the right choice. An affair is all my poor wife and I need. And for what? Blech.

Nothing may feel better than a new romance, but when you're married, nothing could be much worse. Watch your ass out there. Never mind venereals, there's no protection against an emotional involvement.

Carl Marcus